well i bet this is the guy which have been cheering me up since the day he knows im down, i know where i stands in his life , and we will remain like this, bestfriends which have helped me built my courage back and get my life on track back, well as everybody knows that our status is an open relationship , remain that way until one fine day, people knows our problems which leads us into this. othman is his name, i know it sound odd , but damm it , i like. smiles , are all over me when i talked to him. he just make me go woooo!~

#well baby,you are my sunshine again,eventho we never talked that much
#missyousomuch<3

shake that booty, shaking that booty , shaking booty,
time to get tipsy, tipsy, tipsy,
the situation dirty, dirty, dirty,
<3

mohombi <3 dirty situation <3

<3 nanipengkamrada,KAMRADA's

his my best friend by the name of oman umms!~ this guy knows when im down and running a really despressed situation, his the one which cheers me up every now and then. eventho his my most beloved best friend, he will always treat me as his. im blessed to meet him and im blessed to be his best friend. call each other names, etcetc, just to make us smile, exchange smiles. etcetc. for most he knows that how i feel. well he turn up into my life not for nothing and his gone for a reason. we understand each other and we feel each other, every kisses that was given from him was just a kiss from a friend to a friend. i miss you bf!~

<3

NANIPENGKAMRADA, KAMRADA'S

gosh hate me all you want cause i know people love me for who i am ,

#fuckhaters
#fuckliars

leading my life as per normal, see if anybody can stop me again and again.

see who runs away and who stays, cause i know the answer already.

#607
ITS BETTER TO BE HATED
FOR WHAT YOU ARE THAN LOVED FOR WHAT YOU'RE NOT!~

dum ass, well , pouring out all the shits in  myself and i will forget about it once i awake ,
and i will be just FINE!~

<3 nanipengkamradabeyl, KAMRADA'S

yesterday was the day that we went out with each other.well also with my sister and nizam.yes, we don't talk that much and also we don't make any signs , but what else can i do but just to be by his side and be his listener.. well i hope, that he would realise how much i need him just by showing him. yes, i do feel awkward when i went out with him just now, and yes, i do feel uneasy, cause i know we are not ready yet to head out together. and also, i feel ashamed cause his willing to accept me for what i have done, well i think its my turn to feel what he feels and endure what his doing. giving him all that he could wanted and be there for him when his in need. and be his loyal girlfriend for most is my goal. i want him to trust me back like how he does and i will do anything it takes. yes, it may take a long time but with patience and perseverance, i know i can. if i can do it before why not with him? well note to self, nani, common , you are stronger than this, and you know you can get thru this. his your dream and his everything you ever wanted so why waste the person beside you, if you have done it you know you will need to face it again and again.and you know yourself that things will end, you must trust him on whatever his doing cause without him you cant be who you are, a changed person. kind enuf for god to bring him to you and you must cherish all that his given, not the perfect one but near to it. countless of times his been giving you warning but you are just to plain lazy to understand that and understand what he wants. yes, you are always there for him , but its not good enough for you too do it.people may seems to despise you when you are with him, but show them that his the best of everything on top of whatever people are telling you, you know what you want and who you want to be with, so dont be dumb and dont waste this chance, bring yourself together and stand string beside him not behind him.

picture was taken at changi with bf. meet his grandmother and his family side. yes, indeed he do tell me his problems when we are there. and i feel bad for him, i hope that he will willingly take my hand again and walk again with me. just gotta wait for his return today and ask him once again. see if his willing.

yes , its hurting and i still care,love,need<3 cause i would like to be your sunshine that shines your day and make it shine when its your rainy days. take my hand i will be your guidance to happiness, trust me cause i will be honest that i wont let you down again, cause i've realized how much you have gone through with me, give me another chance to you how i feel towards you and how i need you the most. musics is the only one that helps me think, but ive got to change that, i need you to make me thinking, yes, u have given me a great lesson day by day. but can you be true to yourself that im yours and you are mine? and nobody else? problems in the way and we never solved it. took every single footstep to get closer to you but you are taking a step back when im trying to get close to you why are you running away? do you know how bad i need you now and then? its really painful and it hurting cause you know i still care. wish you all the best!~

boy , you are so one in a million.

things may not be what it seems, i may not be your world or your planet dear one , but i will always be one if you need me too and you are always mine if you want to know.i will always be invisible in your eyes but you will never be in mine, cause i know how much i love you and how much i earn for you every now and den, so , here it says , i was his world until he found another planet to be with and be happy , i can't blame you all i blame is me, myself.

you are like an angel coming into my life. missing you now , missing you so much <3

im afraid of losing something which is mine, i miss that somebody which always calls me when his in need. i miss being his bestfriend. i miss everything about him. am i his or is he been taken away? am i being to emotionally moved or am i thinking too much, my head hurts every now and then. keep thinking if i was the one. can i be his once again? can i get his to love me once again? im just too afraid that one fine day his gone. and never come back.can he just be with me thru out my whole journey in this world cause i really want him to be my first and my last.

you are my biggest dream you are whom i earn for every now and den, you are the person which i love most and you are the one which brings colours in my life, you are the one which made me change and made me think differently about getting beat up. i want to treasure you so much, i want to pampered you so much with my love and smiles. but you just could let me in. as days goes by you werent at home, i keep updating this blog just to feel as if i am talking to an imaginary friend, do you know why i do this blog? who shall i look for when im in need of sharing my problems and my feelings, you dear one? no , im not up for it , cause you know why? you are busy with work and friends and stuff . so i shall not disturbed you, i respect your privacy, everything. but can u do the same to me? give in to your lately attitude that you gave me, cause i love you so much until my love i guess its just a feeling which you will not understand right?  there was a time when i look into my father's eyes , and he told me , deep down in my heart how bad or how stubborn i am , i will always still keep loving you , not just as a boyfriend but more than that. i wished, you just understand how i feel towards you.

some days i just need you to look at me and say i love you, say it with sincerity and not say it by just saying it. I've learn ed my mistakes and you show me how to correct it. your friends help u and me out on this. appreciated and think of the things they say and think of my next step to make you smile again. emotionally and touched is what you are . time and time goes by the 3letters word that u normally say to me is gone day by day. each day i loved you even more, dont you jut notice it?i've cried alot and tears dropped and rolled down my cheeks,can you just be who are around me when i need you to do so. my head is full of questions yet answers they are never been found in me. ask yourself first before ask others yes, u always say that, but when i ask myself until my head hurts where can i find the answer.

well boyfriend read whats behind the word 'FINE' and you will know what i am feeling every time , everyday. i wished you would understand how i really feel. i understand the things that you are going thru but do you understand what am i going thru right her , and in there?
-broken,useless,clueless, alone, confused, betrayed, fragile, on the verge of tears, depressed, anxious, about to break down,ready to give up, pathetic, annoying,etc.. i put the white flag up so that you  know i've surrendered , and im crushed. empty and i can fall any moment, but if i fall will u catch me and pull me up?will you ? defeated and im never good enough in your eyes. is that you are trying to tell me?every seconds, minutes and the hours and days that have been going around the clock, was a pain in the ass. i want things to be alright please boyfriend dont run away anymore.

If I were you I would never let me go
If I were you I would always love me so
If I were you I can't play your part in life
But I would surely walk my way
 I cannot think the way you think
But I would never go away
You can trust me when I say
That I will always be for real
You can always count on me
No matter how alone you feel
If I were you I would never let me go
If I were you I would always love me so
If I were you
(I would never) (I would always)
I can't tell you what to do
I can only hope for more
More decisions to be good
Like the way they were before
I can't dream the things you dream
Cause I would not know where to start
Life is never what is seems When two souls are far apart I don't wanna know How it feels to lose a friend And if I were you I would never leave again
If I were you I would never let me go If I were you I would always love me so If I were you I would never let me go If I were you I would always love me so If I were you I would always love me so
If I were you I would never let me go If I were you

yes, i am, and this is how i am feeling now, dont you see it yourself?when i ask you, u say no. well im feeling very useless now. and you can't imagine how painful it is to be feeling this way. im broken,useless,unwanted, is that you are trying to tell me?i can't make it to a point where i see you need me the most. and im all yours. im no more yours and somebody has taken that place of mine to make you smile again. i happy for you. somehow i wished that you would just know what im feeling inside there rather then you judging me by my ways. i feel no more you in me. am i just a part-timer for you and i am not even noticed as your gf anymore.

got it right !~

what do i expect? nothing in return only you that i want, don't you understand that? updated this blog every now and then just to let you know how am i in and out.i never talk to you about myself yes, i admit it, i never tell you things, yes i admit it, even worst i let my feelings control me and be who i am, i drink everyday just to forget about the problems that i have every now and then. nobody knows, only part and parcel of it, are you pretty sure that you know me so well?  i don't quite see that, anger takes over and i don't know what to do, I've tried to stay calm as possible as i can be, so that i hope everything will be alright one fine day but it turns out , its even worst then ever. i really hope you end this game all by yourself cause i had enough and really it hurts.. i do understand how you feel but when are you going to stop your act in front of me, Mr? cried all day long just to see whats happening in front of me. its 5am and yet.. i just can't put it to words anymore, seriously im so useless to you now.

things seems different now, and i can't imagine how hard it is. yes , i do drink always now, but does he know why? i  know what lies deep down my heart and i know what i really want, but does he know what i really want? he never even ask me, for that i understand really i understand, cause i know his busy with stuff and work and i know his tired and all , for all i can do now is I'm really thankful for all he has done to make me smile but i cant make him smile, i just don no why. please , give the courage to face this everyday and always. i just want him to know that his really special to me and i really love him so much and i never regretted a single day when his with me. i feel down and restless every time there is a slight problem between us and distance are making us a part now.i just don't know where my fault this time and I'm willing to give him everything as long as his happy, i still miss him even tho his here, spending time was just a few Min's? hours? i guessed so. am i just a part-time lover like he always do last time?i dare not to make any moves but just try to be patient and possible and i can. if he can do it for 4months well i guess i must take my medicine now and feel the hurt that his always been feeling.

its hard to make you be mine once again , but i've tried everything that i could be and i think my efforts are all not enuf right? i've tried to make it right this time but its just useless i guess, can i be your only and only yours, i want to be your everything but can you make me yours everything? i know its hard for you to make it now, but we've got to try again and again. bby please give me a chance to prove it to you that i can be yours and only yours. can you just bear me time and time for me to let you gain back my love for you and make you smile with me all the way and forget about other people around us and make the world only us?

i miss this guy very very much. but does he knows?hmms, i wish he have been reading this and understands how i feel, well i know that i never say no to you , never, only when i dont think its right. but i still loved you until this very day. i wished that when the day comes i can bring all the smiles that we had before , as for now , i shall wait for your return once again and again.

sunshine which knows how to make me worried, sad, eager, happy, frustrated, angry, and also missed. his love towards me has never been different until this day. the only thing is, his trust. and im trying to make his trust gain back on me. as i tried i have learn to be independent and dont depend on others, his all i need to make me look forward to my everyday life. and his the courage that makes me move on. his love is countless yet so strong. and i cant imagine how much i miss his love with me for  3days full. now i have to let myself forget everything and sustain for another 6 days . hopefully i can make it. and i really do. well bby, i just missed you so much. and i really love you so much until it cant be said by words. im sad that we got to go thru this difficulty at this stage which is coming our 5months , well like you say, its the quality not the distance right?

NUR IMTINANI.

DOUBLE O FIRST MEETING.

im into you<3

MOHD IQBAL.

im not but im loved

yes,  i really miss this and i wish that someday somehow i can have it back just with you, a simple note and just a short one which i hope u can understand.

i have not looked at his face for like almost 2days and a half now. and im wondering if he will be okay, or he will miss me? will he? or will he not? only god know.i miss his so much and i cant even hide it anymore. ive tried to let him know but i guess he thinks its just words which i give out from my mouth. well my feelings aint that good this days and ive been running down fever which keep going up and down non stop.. i feel like im a very useless gf which can't even hold on to my own bf and ive been stuck at home day and night waiting for the very day for him to comeback , well hopefully today then.hmmss. i hope he knows how i really feel. the misses that ive been going through for this pass few days are so huge that there are no words to explain.. well tomorrow will be the day that change my life everything and i hope that i can change for the better of it. i really do hope so.

switchfoot-only hope

there's a song that's inside of my soul,
its the one that i've tried to write over and over again,
i'm awake in the infinite cold
but you sing to me,
over and over again,
so i lay my head back down
and i lift my hands and pray
to be only your
i pray to be only yours
i know now you're my only hope
sing to me of the songs of the stars
of your galaxy dancing
and laughing and laughing again
when it feels like my dreams
are so far
sing to me of the plans
that you have for me over and over again
so i lay my head back down
and i lift my hands and pray to be only yours
i pray to be only yours
i know now you're my only hope
i give you my apathy
im giving you all of me
i want your symphony
singing in all that i am
at the top of my lungs
im giving it back
and i lay my head back down
and i lift my hands and pray to be only yours
i pray to be only
i pray to be only yours
i know you're my only hope

i really do miss him

woke up from sleep , check his msg, was hoping that i could read just a single msg from him saying that his safe.well, i guess im just putting myself high hopes then,cant sleep but im forced to do so.so i just grab the pillow that he always used and lay down and force myself to sleep.his at work now,should be tired and sleepy,so i will just wait patiently for the day for him to come back home and meet him.i guess waiting is the only option then.hope to see you soon.

cant do it without you

i seriously cant sleep when you are not here not a single news nor calls from you makes me so worried much. i cant imagine if you are not here with me for at least a week, a month or years ahead. i miss you so much until i can lead to this,well i know i mayb so irritating at times but i just wanna know where i stand in your heart. well , what do you do when you miss me? will you think of me every sec, min, hour, will you miss me like how i miss you every day , you dont know how suffering it is for me now to watch us turn sour in our relationship like this. people say dont miss the best things that have happen in your life and now i think ive missed it and someone else is going to take my place in there. and i dont wish to know cause i know its really painful. and i cant imagine how hard it is for me to live like this ,  but with patience and my will i will bring up my love for you once again and i really love if you give the chance once again. yet again, i just missed you so much , every morning , night i will always find you first rather then any body else, cause i know who is my boyfriend.i know i mayb your worst and your most ungrateful gf ever but im trying to be your best at the point where i can be , so please accept me back once again and let me love you until our very last breath.

swag.notes are sometimes which hits us hard on the head like this swag.notes says, A LIE IS A LIE IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU HAD A GOOD REASON BEHIND IT BUT YOU STILL DID IT.
well this hit me hard.

when there was no you beside me i feel totally lost and i feel like i got no where to go, my mind is all filled with your name, face, touch and sounds. every movement that i've made was just being me,myself trying to seek for an answer where to find my place in you heart.i did everything to please you, and i will keep on trying until the very day where you can be smiling to me once again.without you i have a really bad sleep, bad nightmares, everything. no one else i can think of rather then you. well you told me yes you cared about me, and i do cared about you. but i just dont know how to express it by saying in words. im scared that if i were to say i would say the wrong things. and i can't afford that. 5months of our relationship is coming up and i really miss you. really i do. i wish and i hope that we will be longer and even stronger than this.keeping myself awake just to wake u up for work was my choice and i will keep doing it until my very last breath. who dont want a happy ending right? sure you do. i want it to , but the happy ending will always be with you. i never forced you to give me everything that i want. and i never ask for anything unless its you. all i wanted was you. now its 4:03am and im not yet sleeping, cause i just miss you so much, until my eyes can't keep it shut. somewhere i wished if only you are beside me i will do anything through my will to make this better.

can i fight for what i want? can i have the courage to say whats on my mind? can i have just a day out with you and let me express my feelings out? can i ensure you that nobody can come into our life again? most importantly, can i make you trust me back? i miss those smiles and stories that everyday you used to tell me. im sorry to hear what happened to you and its all because of me. im sorry that i cant be your greatest dream. but im sure will be trying my best. well as your girlfriend and i will want to walk this road together with you while holding your hands real thigh and never let go even if there is anything which is coming towards our way. we mayb having a lot of problems now and then but im still fighting for the happiness that i've always wanted. so let me ask you is it a crime to make u mine again? or is it just a fairytale which i always think? are you willing to stay by me and be my only one, cause u know i just need you to be there for me when it comes to this.

this was the first song he gave me.

yes, im not married but im either not single cause i have somebody whom has taken my heart away and thats him, MOHD IQBAL.

music is where he always turn his feelings to and that is his way of letting me know how he feels.

This is Mohd Iqbal Bin Razali, well his the first guy which take me and accept me for who i am and never ask me to change myself abit cause he knows how i am. i dont have to pretend when im in front of him whatsoever.Our very first meet up was a real memory for us.as our 5months coming up our relationship became very harsh and problems keep coming up to us, with people whom dis-agree to our relationship and people whom are coming in the way just to make a mess out of it. yes, i admit this is my worst times with him but im glad that every movement he makes he makes me think of what i should be doing, again yet again we have big nor small arguments. but so far his the one whom holds on to everything. i mayb just a 19years old girl whom is deeply in love with a 24years old guy, but this guy have made me understand whats the meaning of love. well, i dont quite understand myself from my previous blog, i didn;t focus or type that much,but to him,his everything i wrote about. i mayb stubborn at time but as time past by, he learns to change me and be me a better person for him and everyone else, yes, im very happy to meet him until this day cause i know with his love i will never meet another one like him.