things seems different now, and i can't imagine how hard it is. yes , i do drink always now, but does he know why? i  know what lies deep down my heart and i know what i really want, but does he know what i really want? he never even ask me, for that i understand really i understand, cause i know his busy with stuff and work and i know his tired and all , for all i can do now is I'm really thankful for all he has done to make me smile but i cant make him smile, i just don no why. please , give the courage to face this everyday and always. i just want him to know that his really special to me and i really love him so much and i never regretted a single day when his with me. i feel down and restless every time there is a slight problem between us and distance are making us a part now.i just don't know where my fault this time and I'm willing to give him everything as long as his happy, i still miss him even tho his here, spending time was just a few Min's? hours? i guessed so. am i just a part-time lover like he always do last time?i dare not to make any moves but just try to be patient and possible and i can. if he can do it for 4months well i guess i must take my medicine now and feel the hurt that his always been feeling.